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[Un]Worthy

For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Psalms 139:13-15

The first time I thought of this verse in reference to my own life, I was at a summer camp. I’d desperately wanted to go on the week’s hike but knew I wouldn’t be able to keep up with my cabin mates. A counselor offered to go with me on free time. I took her up on it.

As we were hiking, I confided that I didn’t understand why God had allowed me to be born the way I was. She mentioned Psalm 139:14 and told me that God made me just the way I am. She later mentioned running track. At that point, I knew she didn’t understand, but the verse has stayed with me.

As I’ve grown older, I’ve felt unworthy and unqualified not just physically, but spiritually. Little lies creep into my head telling me that I’m too broken. I won’t ever be fixed, so I am not worthy of love, my ministry, and cannot help anyone else.

However, that simply isn’t true. We serve a God who uses the broken things for His glory. We see in the Bible time and time again where God uses the imperfect.

In the passage I mentioned, I’ve seen the first verse quoted often. However, I don’t usually see the next verse quoted: For me, it changes the tone completely.

My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.”

This verse gives so much comfort!! God knew my broken DNA in my mother’s womb and saw the lungs that would never fill fully with air. Yet, He chose to use me knowing since before I was born that I would be flawed and imperfect.

You may have an imperfection in your life or something you can’t control, and the Devil may sneak the same doubts into your head. However, you are valuable and God can use you.

Jesus states this speaking of our value to Him.

"Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered."
Matthew 10:29‭-‬30

We are incredibly valuable to Christ!! A woman I think of often is Hagar. She wasn’t an Israelite, was a slave, was going to have her master’s child as a surrogate, and was angry at the whole situation.

She ran away into the desert with no food, water, etc. and God appeared to her and promised to make a great nation from her son. It says that then “And she called the name of the Lord that spake unto her, Thou God seest me: for she said, Have I also here looked after him that seeth me?”
Genesis 16:13

God sees us. It’s a simple thought but beautiful in its’ simplicity!! God sees me. My pain, my flaws, my good and bad. God sees me and I matter to Him!

A great example of someone who was used despite his imperfections was the Apostle Paul. He stated this “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”
2 Corinthians 12:9

In this verse we see the crux of the matter. It isn’t about us at all! It’s all about Christ and what He can do through a willing vessel.

Something that we can take comfort in is that God uses our brokenness for His glory. In John 9:2, we see the Disciples ask Christ “who sinned?” when faced with a blind man. Jesus’ answer explains it all: “Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him.
(John 9:3)

Sometimes God allows sorrow, pain, trauma, and sickness in our lives and it’s ok to wonder why, to mourn, and feel broken. However, God can heal us or use what we see as broken pieces if we let Him. God can allow us to comfort others and can use us to help someone else going through the same circumstance. The following verse is such an encouragement!

God has a purpose for our lives. He values us and will use us if we let Him

Inspirational

Remembering The Good

"Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:" Philippians 1:6 

Today, as I sit in bed or on the couch resting between breathing treatments and popping Prednisone (and all the other meds I take to open my lungs when a cold is brewing) I remember the good.

Before becoming a mom, I scoured the internet for stories or tips on being disabled and parenting. I didn’t find much- and what I did find was written in a cloying or an overtly pitying way. With little resources to advise me, parenting with a disability seemed daunting to say the least.

What I learned throughout my pregnancy, birth, and am still learning today is that despite my disability, God is still good. God knew every aspect of what would happen. Despite every human “failure” and nothing going to plan, He made it good. Even during the “bad” days God is still good.

When I look back, I can remember God’s goodness time and time again. He gave me the instinct that likely saved my son from brain damage despite medical advice that I could push. He put the insistent thought in my head to go to the ER when my heart was failing. He gave me Drs. who helped me fight the endometrial infection and who staved off a transfusion.

However, in the humdrum of life I now sometimes lose sight of the miraculous. I forget the beauty lost in my new normalcy.

This morning, I was awakened by chest pain and a sink full of dishes that I wanted to do, but couldn’t because I had no strength. I had to sit and (gratefully) watch my spouse transform the mess into order

My 2 y.o. suddenly decided he didn’t like the breakfast he’s eaten multiple times. Later, during my SVN, he just wanted hugs as I rested in bed.

Today, he ran through the entire apartment while Grandma caught up to him. I was frustrated. At my lungs and at him. I was still frustrated that I couldn’t “do” and was so sick and tired.

Then it hit me again. The memory at the Perinatologist’s a few weeks before his birth. “His kidney is building up fluid. We think there’s a defect. You’ll have to have a pediatric nephrologist there when he’s born. We prayed and prayed. A few checkups later, the fluid had miraculously disappeared.

I suddenly thanked God that my son COULD run. Despite the medications & the problems with delivering, God kept him healthy and keeps me going from strength to strength.

EVERY Dr. I meet, including my newest, the preventative oncologist, hear my story & then ask hesitantly “how is he? I mean he can walk?”

Sometimes I get so caught up in the every day, I forget the wonder and the miracle. I lose sight of the goodness in the every day.

Messy fingers that can grasp a crayon.  Little feet that kick when angry or run from mommy laughing. Lungs that can scream or sing along. Eyes that love to watch a show or “read” his books. A mouth that smiles, loves to snack, and wants the last word.

The ability God has given me to enjoy each day with my son and his antics. The ability to watch him learn and grow. The fact that God has kept me thus far to see him grow.

Remember the goodness. Delight in the everyday.

Disability awareness, Inspirational

The Light In My Corner

In recent days, I’ve felt overwhelmed by events in the world & everyone’s views on social media. If I’m not careful, it’s easy to feel helpless and unable to DO anything- especially as someone with a Chronic Illness. However, as one of my Patient Navigators said, “You only have so many batteries and you want to spend as many of them as possible on your son.”

Does that mean that I don’t act or care about what happens in the world? Absolutely not! It does, however, mean that I realized something very important.

In the Bible, we see countless examples of Christ working in His immediate community to make changes. He didn’t travel to Rome or sign petitions. He didn’t make sure He was heard by Caesar. He simply loved people in His community and the surrounding areas. He also stood for justice for those people.

We see several times where He confronts the stigma of disability by stating that the person is not to blame and by actually SEEING them as people. He lifted those who were seen as “less”. He praised the woman who gave from her poverty, valued the Samarian woman, and didn’t prioritize those from whom He would benefit, but instead saw the brokeness of the Publicans and Sinners.

There’s a kids’ song that says:

“Jesus bids us shine,
With a clear, pure light,
Like a little candle burning in the night;
In this world of darkness, we must shine,
You in your small corner,
And I in mine.”

The Bible states in Matthew 5:16, “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.”

The point of this thought is, look around you. Changing the world starts with impacting one person for Christ. God can use whatever you CAN do for His glory. Start looking for opportunities with those around you. If all you do is go to Drs. appointments, you can still share the goodness of God in your life. If all you can do is be a stay at home mom, God can use you to instill Biblical values into your child. If all you can do is pray, God will use you to reach many that you may never even see.

We can all be used- and it starts with us seeing the need right next door πŸ’œ

Christian living, Inspirational

Controlling or Contented?

When thinking of women God used in Scripture, my mind was drawn to Sarah. In a time when women were seen as less, and didn’t have a voice, she was a strong, independent woman that ran a household. She eventually was the mother of a nation. She was also very vocal. Her whole life was made up of circumstances beyond her control. As many of you know, I’ve had many of those.  Maybe you struggle with what you can’t control just like I do.

I noticed a few things that we can learn from Sarah:

1. Sarah decided to control her circumstances based on her impatience.

In Genesis 16:1-2, she wanted an exact time frame of when a baby would be a reality. “And Sarai said unto Abram, Behold now, the Lord hath restrained me from bearing: I pray thee, go in unto my maid; it may be that I may obtain children by her. And Abram hearkened to the voice of Sarai.”
Genesis 16:2

Although God had promised her a biological son, Sarah didn’t want to wait any longer. She wanted a son NOW. To make a long story short, she ended up regretting her decision and her biological son and his half brother became enemies.

“And Sarah saw the son of Hagar the Egyptian, which she had born unto Abraham, mocking.”
Genesis 21:9 This had long lasting consequences

Ecclesiastes 3:1 states: To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.

“But, beloved, be not ignorant of this one thing, that one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.” 2 Peter 3:8

We may want something to happen when we think it should, but God’s timing is perfect. We, like Sarah, see the immediate good or impact of our plan. That is only a sliver of the picture God sees. In Ecclesiastes 3, the Bible says “He hath made every thing beautiful in his time:…”

2. Sarah decided to control her circumstances based on her fear

In another instance in Genesis 20:11,  Sarah lied to a foreign king about being married because she was afraid the king would kill her husband.

She, by omission, relied on what she worried could happen (fear) rather than God’s promises.  “And Abraham said, Because I thought, Surely the fear of God is not in this place; and they will slay me for my wife’s sake.” In verse 18, her lie had drastic consequences.

“For the Lord had fast closed up all the wombs of the house of Abimelech, because of Sarah Abraham’s wife.”

We at times tend to try to control our circumstance based on what we imagine will happen. This can and does lead to sometimes worsening the circumstances. However, Prov. 3:5 states “trust in the Lord with all thine heart.”

We may not understand why God allows things to happen or His timing, but we must trust that He has a purpose even through fearful times, struggle, and pain. Jeremiah 17:7 states, “Blessed is the man that trusteth in the Lord, and whose hope the Lord is.”
Wait for the Lord’s timing. He sees the whole puzzle- we see a piece.

3. Sarah tried to control her circumstances based on her doubt.

In Genesis 18:10-14, God told Abraham and Sarah, “…I will certainly return unto thee according to the time of life; and, lo, Sarah thy wife shall have a son. And Sarah heard it in the tent door, which was behind him…

“Therefore Sarah laughed within herself… And the Lord said unto Abraham, Wherefore did Sarah laugh, saying, Shall I of a surety bear a child, which am old? Is any thing too hard for the Lord?”

Sarah laughed because she doubted that God’s promises would be a reality. She looked at her circumstances from a human standpoint and thought God’s promises were impossible. God gave her a son the next year.

How many times do you or I look at circumstances that are humanly impossible and say “there’s no way this can get better or be resolved or that I can have anything good come from this.”

God gives us this assurance. “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”
Romans 8:28

We can know that if we surrender our “control” God will handle the situation far better than we ever could in our finite minds!

If I’m being honest, I’m preaching to myself, because oftentimes I’m a “Sarah”.

I hope this is an encouragement to you that if you give up your control, God will give you- and me- something so much better! He will give us a resolution far better than any we could ever plan!

Just give Him control. It’s a daily battle, but you and I must daily tell Him “Take my life and let it be” and mean it.

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On Women’s Day

Today is apparently International Women’s Day. This made me stop and ponder the idea of being a woman and what it means to me. In society, we’re given two extremes. On one side, we’re told to fight for our rights, to be brazen, and never let a man hold us back because we are equal if not better.

The other side focuses on women being the feminine ideal. This means having the perfect outer appearance, hitting an ultra specific standard, and doing what is expected for your “stage in life”.

However, the more I grow in my own life, the more I realize I will never be either of those extremes. While I advocate for being feminine, my values will never be those of a feminist. I adhere to the “old school” of thought that I actually do need a man and that my husband actually does have the final say in major decisions.

On the other hand, while I am fully under my husband’s authority, we’re a team. I’m not a lesser being or doormat because I’m a woman. My main responsibilities are cooking, cleaning, etc because I’m a SAHM BUT if I’m unable to, my husband pitches in willingly and I don’t have to feel a false sense of shame.

In the Bible, we see a beautiful balance of femininity. We’re given examples of women like Deborah, who led an ARMY in a time where women were viewed as less. A contrast is the quiet Jael, who served dinner then assassinated a general.

We’re given the example of Sarah, who for better and sometimes worse, was a strong, independent woman that ran a household and was the mother of a nation. We see Esther, who had position but was terrified, who used her influence to save her people, not to better her own state.

We’re given the example of Hannah, a quiet, resilient woman who took the mockery of another without exploding in anger while longing for a child she thought would never be possible. An opposite of this is Martha, who was always busy talking, “doing,” and advocating for others.

As humans, we sometimes fall into the trap that we have to fit a certain mold. We have to shout our feminism from a rooftop to have a voice, or that we have to have 6 kids and a spotless house to be feminine enough.

What I want to leave you with is that God used women from all different walks of life with unique personalities who were surrendered to Him completely.

Sarah was bold and stepped out in faith into the unknown with Abraham. Esther was beautiful and knew it, but used that power for good. Leah wasn’t a beautiful woman in societal standards, but we see her quiet faith and loyalty to her husband.

So on International Women’s Day, use the gifts God has given you to advocate for others and to show Christ through your life. In the end, having the perfect makeup, spotless house, or protesting in the streets won’t change much. Allowing God to use you to impact others will.

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Motherhood &Chronic Illness

One of the things I hadn’t thought much about before having my son was the role my chronic illnesses would play in caring for him. As I realized I faced some unique challenges, I looked online to see if anyone had similar issues. Surprisingly, I found almost nothing regarding disability and parenting.

There is no manual to tell you how to hold an infant when you have bad fine motor control, what to do when you can’t lift his weight, or how to deal with the guilt of what you feel is an unequal load parenting. There is nothing to tell you how to deal with a crying baby and sensory overload or a myriad of other scenarios. It can be very scary & lonely.

This is what I’m learning so far:

1. Don’t let others’ perceptions of you limit your abilities.

When I first got out of the hospital, I was told I was too much of a fall risk to hold my son. That reinforced the negative thoughts that were already there- that I wouldn’t be a good mom (Thanks hormones and emergency c-section!).

I was finally sent home with a walker. After recovering from fluid overload, I was again deemed a fall risk.

However, when your baby is crying, you do what you have to do- it’s no longer about you.

(Always with another person nearby) I slowly started to push myself. After a week, I could change my son. After 2 or 3, I could lift him from his rocker. I didn’t realize it, but soon after I came home, my husband moved the walker into storage because I was walking independently.

Am I saying don’t listen to Drs.? No. What I am saying is that there are times when a diagnosis isn’t your end- all be-all. Don’t get so wrapped up in what people say you can’t do and focus on what you can do. Choosing to try to have a positive mindset can be a big help!

P.S. This is my DAILY struggle. Not one and doneπŸ˜€

2. Realize You’re Not Going To Parent Like Everybody Else

People always want to be “normal.” I’ve always struggled with that desire. However, no matter how much I want to be like other moms, I’m not going to be.

I’m coming to grips with the fact that I won’t drive my son to appointments like other moms because of my visual issues/ CP. And that’s ok.

I couldn’t breastfeed because my body couldn’t physically do anymore and that’s ok too.

3. Accommodate Yourself

I have muscle tremors: so I have to rest an arm on an armrest when I hold my son. People may not get it, but they don’t have to.

I get sensory overload: so when the crying is intense, I wear headphones and hold my son. I felt guilty and worried that people would think I was ignoring my son, but my husband encouraged me and told me “who cares what others think? You’re doing what you need to do to take care of our son. That’s all that matters.”

If your baby is happy and healthy, that’s all that matters, despite what the mom- guilt says.

4. Ask for help

This is the hardest for me. I’m learning that sheer willpower doesn’t always fix everything and that people won’t know I need help unless I ask. The hardest part is setting aside my pride, and admitting I need help!

If you’re a parent with CI, there are people who are willing to help if you ask- they just may not know that you need it.

I wrote this blog because I haven’t seen any that tackle being a parent with chronic illness. I want to encourage others that despite the challenges, it’s do-able!

Thanks for reading!

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2018: Our Blessings

2018 was such an amazing year! It was full of challenges, but also full of miracles.
1. At the beginning of the year, I went to an O.B. We told him that we wanted to T.T.C. before my lungs worsened and he was the 1st doctor to be cautiously supportive.
He suggested a treatment and was willing to go out of his way to help us become parents. I got preconception counselling, cardiology clearance, & medical clearance from my PAH specialist to go off preventative measures to actively t.t.c. so that all my specialists would be ready.

However, one of the risks of the treatment was conceiving multiples. I’ve been told there’s no way I would survive that situation. My Dr. said they would “selectively terminate” if it happened. I wanted a baby so badly that I convinced myself that I could make it with multiples.
Fortunately, Jacob knows me- that I would never make the decision to terminate- dying or not. He knew that I would fight and lose instead. He decided against pursuing treatment (we both had to agree). We were devastated, and I had given up hope of pregnancy.

We started to seriously consider the foster care route, but wanted to wait until we were settled in our ministry.

2. In April, we were voted into my parents mission and were very excited to continue the teen ministry and start deputation!

3. In August, Jacob started full-time deputation I stayed behind and prayed for an oxygen concentrator because of my lung issues/ desatting at high elevation. Miraculously, through several donations, I was able to get both a high and low dose concentrator!
4. The day Jacob came back to pick me up so I could begin traveling with him, we found out I was pregnant naturally! I was able to travel with him for about 2 weeks, and was able to minister to and see new churches and faces!
5. About six weeks into the pregnancy, I started bleeding and we thought we might be losing our son. God put an amazing staff at a hospital I’ve never been to before in my life. I’ll never forget seeing his heartbeat for the first time and being told that he was viable.

The months since then have been full of ups and downs, but every trial that we’ve gone through has taught us to trust God a little more. I’ve had more appointments than I can count, but God has led us through this pregnancy week-by-week.

5. I’ve been told what could go wrong, but God has continued to protect and provide just what we need. I’ve had a few hospital runs, but nothing compared to what was expected.

In a week, we move to Phoenix to await the birth of our little boy. I know what “probably will” happen in 3rd trimester, but we have a God who can do miracles and I know He’ll sustain us!

Thank you for reading πŸ™‚

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Thank You: To The Ones Who Hold Up My Hands

I recently came across a passage in Exodus that took on a new meaning for me.

“Moses’ hands were heavy; and they took a stone, and put it under him, and he sat thereon; and Aaron and Hur stayed up his hands, the one on the one side, and the other on the other side; and his hands were steady” Exodus 17:12

As my pregnancy progresses, and no matter how much I dislike it, (because: pride) I have had to increasingly rely on others to “hold up my hands.”

I realize more and more that those “annoying” nurses calling to “make sure” visits are made are there to “hold up my hands” when I cannot support myself. When I don’t have emotional strength and I’m exhausted, they encourage me and celebrate every week my son is healthy. I am incredibly thankful for -and indebted to them!

The O.B. that has me see him every 2 weeks is there holding up my hands, encouraging me to take it week by week. “Don’t think about what could happen next month. Focus on your baby this week. We’re almost to 24.”

My family has been invaluable. They’ve helped me do “simple” tasks that I’ve had to surrender because “the spirit is willing” and the “flesh” not so much πŸ™‚ They “hold up my hands” by doing things like laundry, vacuuming, or cleaning. They’ve seen my ugly side and stayed.

My husband continues to hold up my hands by enduring the roller coaster that is pregnancy and reassuring me even when he’s away. He encourages me to hold on when I don’t think I can take the physical pain.

I have friends who have “held up my hands” by coming over and folding my laundry or cleaning. It doesn’t seem like a hard job, but when you can’t do it, it piles up fast.

I have countless friends that “hold up my hands” in prayer and for that I am eternally grateful!

Although it’s a struggle because I despise losing my independence, even temporarily, God is teaching me day by day, to give up my perceived “control” of my life and to allow myself to be helped.

With that same token, I’m learning how to “hold up the hands” of others. It isn’t always in the way I expected, but God continues to bring circumstances and people my way.

Some are people recently diagnosed with illness who are struggling. Others are in turmoil and need to talk to someone. I can’t “do” much a lot of the time, but I can pray.

Thank you for reading!

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Beyond The Photographs

The photographs above show two “versions” of me. In the first, I look helpless and exhausted. In the second, I appear healthy and happy. (What you don’t see in Photo 2 is that my husband pushed my chair quite a ways, and parked it to the side so that I would be able to see the water.)

I’ve come to realize that one of the hurdles of pregnancy and Pulmonary Hypertension is the fact that I can no longer “pretend” that I’m ok. My body simply cannot push through walking or pump enough oxygen for us both at times.

I again realized this when I cheerily explained that I’m a “little” more tired than usual, and my O.B. called ALL my specialists. Apparently, I can rationalize tiredness and live in “De-nial River” but my Drs. do not. 😬

This has caused me to once again face a question usually asked by adolescents:

Who Am I?

Here’s My Conclusion:

1. I Am Enough

“For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”
2 Corinthians 12:8‭-‬9

In a world so focused on appearance, and raised in a family that taught me to be the best you can be, I sometimes hold myself to an impossible standard. I “should” weigh this much, I “should” be able to do these things because someone expects me to be able to accomplish these tasks. I want to be the best. Here’s a secret: Sometimes, I can’t be- and the “honor roll or die” part of me doesn’t know how to handle that!

The unfiltered truth is this. I am enough. I am loved by a God who knows my limitations. He sees past the mask of “I’m fine” He wants me to let go of my pride and to allow Him to shine through my life. He “knoweth [my] frame; he remembereth that we are dust.”
When I let go of what pregnancy was “supposed” to entail or what I thought I’d be doing, God has a chance to show His omnipotence and His goodness in ways I can’t imagine!

2. I Am Whole

“I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.”
Psalms 139:14

I often joke that I’m a little thrown together. I really didn’t enjoy this verse when I was younger because my dad would use it pretty often. (Especially when I vocalized why I “hated” body part x,y, or z particularly that day)

However, this verse brings me comfort. No matter how out of control my life may feel, or what abilities I gain or lose, God knew me from the beginning and allowed the disability to happen.

In His eyes, I’m not a mistake. I am perfect despite the flaws.

3. I Am Known

“And she called the name of the Lord… Thou God seest me”
Genesis 16:13 a.

God sees the “me” beyond the meds and aids. He sees my heart, He sees my fears in the middle of the night, He sees the tears of joy and of sorrow. There is no masquerading with Him.

He sees past the mask I sometimes put on because I’m too exhausted to explain or because the “what-ifs” are crowding my mind.

He sees the ugliness and the anger, yet He still chose to give His life for mine! What a Savior!

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I’m Not Brave

FB_IMG_1529274518091Β I have a confession to make. I’m not brave. At times, people have referenced my “bravery,” labelled me as inspirational, or mentioned my cheerful acceptance of Pulmonary Hypertension, COPD, Cerebral Palsy, etc and all of the things attached to those terms.

The truth is this. There are times when I am all too fragile, too human, too broken. There are times when the struggle to breathe scares me and other times when I wonder when the cycle of infections, the litany of medications, and the entourage of physicians will stop. There is a weariness unlike any other.

During these times, I sometimes struggle with depression and anxiety. What’s helped me so far is this:

1. Realizing It’s O.K. To Grieve What I Lost

When I get sick, frustrated at yet another medication being denied, or not being able to “work, clean, etc” like others, I pray and then write out and/or discuss my frustrations. I grieve the things I lost or possibly will never have.Β  That prayer and discussion time helps me realize the “why” behind my anxiety and sometimes, anger.Β  When I hold in my feelings, it results in more anxiety and depression.

2. Pushing Myself To Just Do Something

The less I do, the more I tend to overthink things- especially about what the future could be illness-wise. I tend to want to shut down and hide. This is a CONSTANT struggle because of the daily ebb and flow of my lungs, especially when I have an infection. Personally, even if I’m just writing someone a card, shooting them a text, or moving a pile of stuff off my table, I’m in a happier frame of mind. However, I have to force myself to move and just do something-no matter how small. (Obviously I have to listen to my body’s limit, but doing something makes me feel like I accomplished a goal)

When I’m well, part-time work tends to keep my brain busy about the “now” in life.

3. Praying And Reading The Psalms

A lot of times, when I struggle with breathing or pain, no one really gets what I’m going through (or it’s 3 a.m. and let’s face it- who wants to get an “I’m sick again” text when your brain isn’t online?)

There is one person who “gets it.” He’s been there from the beginning of time and has kept me since the day I was born. He knows my pain and my fear. My illness will never be too much for Him to handle. He knows my story all the way to the end. I can tell him my anguish without fear of judgement. He holds my tears in a bottle. I can pray to Him day or night. He’s never asleep or away.

Over the years, I’ve related more and more to the Psalms (and cried through them too). God has used them in my life so many times to show me that I’m not the only one who struggles and that He’s right there with me!

4. Focusing On Others Not Myself

I tend to get wrapped up in a “me” world. My appointments- my medications- my issues. You get the picture. It’s amazing how much the world changes when I step outside of my problems and see others who are hurting. When my focus shifts from “me”, I’m able to minister despite my illness. I’m able to counsel teens, encourage adults, and allow God to use me as He sees fit.

Thank you so much for reading my musings! I hope this was an encouragement to someone! πŸ™‚