- Facing the Unknown
- A Time To Rest
- “Let” The Little Children
- But Grace Has Brought Me Safe: A Letter To My Son (written February 2019)
- Why Am I Sick?
Recently, my son was diagnosed with something called Auditory Processing Disorder. (A condition where the brain misinterprets or doesn’t transmit signals to the ears and so a speech and comprehension delay occur.)
I struggle with wanting to see improvement in his speech right now, when reality is that it’s a life long issue just like my PAH or COPD.
As a parent, it breaks me that my son will be “different” and struggle in similar ways to me as a child. (Having a delay). I long to protect him from that pain.
However, as I started to internally ask God “why our son?,” my mind flew back to the times he wasn’t supposed to be a reality. The times we were told to “terminate” because “we don’t know how the pregnancy will affect him.” Or “your body can’t handle it.” The fight through preterm labor and the hours of labor and God’s protection.
God gave me the strength and faith to believe that He would do the impossible and He did .
I realize again and again that I have to continually put my son’s future in God’s hands just like I do my own. It isn’t a one and done process.
Today, my thoughts are again drawn to Hannah who asked for a miracle child and then had to fully trust God with that child’s future. Hannah didn’t have a chance to see the daily growth her child made, but instead had to be content with seeing Samuel once a year.
How easy it is for me to say “God I trust you with my son’s future” when it seems known! But the real test of my faith comes when I can’t fix it. The real test is trusting my child’s unknown future to an all-knowing God.
God has proven that He is able to take the brokenness in my life and use it to His glory despite the deficits I have. How much more able is He to use my son’s life for His glory? “My strength is made perfect in weakness.”
My child is more than the one thing that is different. He has been beautifully crafted by a loving God. He is the result of crying and praying that our faith be made sight.
He is only 2, but already wants to be with the Teens at church. His smile lights our lives. His personality is precious and unique. He is whole and perfect in his imperfections.
I love the words “Every joy or trial falleth from above. Traced upon our dial by the Son of love. We may trust Him fully; all for us to do. They who trust Him wholly find him wholly true. Stayed upon Jehovah…”
Remembering the miracles and trusting God for more.